- take deep offense at any criticism. Although they may offer some to their neighbors. Everything you say will contradict what their last workshop instructor, a "great artist" said.
- then defend their mistakes with rapidly invented lame excuses, they will tell you that you are wrong every time you try to point out something that they could improve in their painting.
- they arrive late, quit early and talk incessantly about rich Hollywood stars.
- They will have a TV tray, a paper palette and a broken, cheap aluminum easel, and work in a folding directors chair with arms, they will also bring a smelly, annoying little dog with diseases that need to be described in pestilent detail.
- they would have Maries paints, all of which would be hues. Their ultramarine would be an acrylic. Everything else will have to be lent to them.
- their painting surface would be a cardboard panel with a surface primed bright yellow because that's what their last instructor said was best, under the acrylic gesso would be an oil painting.
- their bright fuchsia shirt would reflect a neon glow onto their canvas. They will only work in the shade.
- their thinner would be some harmless organic gravy with the consistency of jello and smell of grapefruit, their medium would be some goo, like Vaseline. They will insist that a previous workshop teacher told them that 'real' artists only use this particular goo.
- their brushes will be stiff as tongue depressors and worn to points, the ferrules of which are loose.
- they will expect to make a masterpiece even though they have only painted four pictures before, from photographs of their pets and vacations. Failing that, they would want me to paint the whole thing for them, and when they get home they will put it in a show as their own work.
- No possible location will suit them.They will be unwilling to walk or carry their equipment further than 30 feet.
- They will paint like Ray Charles and hum as they do it.
- They come expecting to be disappointed, complain to everyone in the class, except for the teacher, and leave disappointed. For the next seven years they will tell everyone they meet that the class was a ripoff and the teacher is a jerk.
- But they will include the teachers name in their bio as someone with whom they have studied.
- Their horrid little dog will have a 20 minute seizure bringing the entire class to a standstill.
- They will tell you what to eat, not to smoke and be allergic to everything in sight. Their electrologists, reflexologists and nutritional therapists will send advice with them for you .
Monday, April 4, 2011
The student from hell
What qualities would the worst possible student have? If I wanted to design a student to be totally incapable of learning, yet annoying as hell, what characteristics would I give them? Lets see, now....... they would;